If there were visitors out there and not to say there isn't and if you are one and you are here tonight I apologize because I know how frustrating it feels when someone claims you don't exist. Regardless I hope the visitors would visit me and we could smoke a cigarette or two and have coffee and they could answer a question which I'm sure has plagued many men or at least myself. The question is this: How high up heaven is?
Since we have sent satellite after satellite into the deepest parts of space and have never come back with a picture or even a post-it stuck to the satellite with the words "Please leave packages at the front of the pearly gates. Thank you." I am left to be skeptical. Not that I believe heaven doesn't exist or that it does and if you are from heaven and you are here tonight I apologize because again I can commiserate how it feels to have someone tell you that where you are from doesn't exist. Some people that I've asked have told me that heaven is a place inside each of us who believes in Jesus Christ as our lord and savior. I would like to kindly point out that I have had several x-rays done and I found nothing but a complicated set of squishy insides and before I had the x-rays done I had spent a solid week convincing my parents, siblings, coworkers, friends and the hospital staff, that I accepted Jesus as my lord and savior. Still no heaven, no dice.
Belinda Carlisle once sang that "heaven is a place on earth" again I checked my globe and several local maps and found no heaven. Carlisle was a founding member of the new wave group The Go-Go's who had recorded several relatively with some catchy tunes that received a fair amount of radio play. This was of course before going solo and discovering the location of heaven which she apparently kept to herself. Every globe I have checked there is no heaven to be found. Yet I did find Havana, New Haven, Haven and Hoven but no heaven turned up. Now you might ask me if I was looking at out dated sources which I can assure you I was not. All maps and globes were up to date. Still no heaven.
So back to the beginning, if there were visitors among us I would enjoy a brief chat over coffee and cigarettes. I guess I can only assume that an interstellar traveler would have visited many places before taking a brief pit stop on this little blue marble. I guess I can only also assume that any visitor would be quite impressed with how well us apes have done. When I ask the visitor or visitors if they travel with company, how high up heaven is I think I would want to hear something like "just two clicks left of the green planet with blue smog. I suggest you visit on the off season their rates are cheaper." I would also accept "there isn't one. I'm sorry little monkey." as long as they didn't lay any of that inner peace kind of jargon I suppose I can accept any answer.
And if the visitor did answer with a statement like "heaven is within you" I would show them my x-rays and then demand to know the name of the missionary who got to them before I had a chance to get a candid answer. And I would also like it to be kept in mind that I am not trying to insult, ridicule or take down any religion that anyone is affiliated with. My grandfather and father were both active members of their local church at one point. Both of my siblings were married in a Catholic church where as I was married in a living room. But I attended both wedding and neither time did I spontaneously burst into flames nor did either church fall apart when I walked in. I'm simply asking a question. And if you believe faith shouldn't be questioned then perhaps you should take your blindfold off to see who has their hand in your pockets.
Wouldn't it be nice to finally get an answer? With a location available we could chart small and inexpensive tours (inexpensive because I do feel that a religious pilgrimage should be easy on the wallet) and then all the religious believers could take day trips with their friends and families to heaven. Wouldn't that be nice. I know I would go if for nothing else than the fact that it is somewhere to go if I could ever take time off from whatever it is I do but I would make sure I went during the off season to avoid the large crowd. So with all that said good night and good luck.
Hey everyone! So I started a story and decided to go ahead and post it for feedback, so any comments or suggestions (even if you think it sucks) would be greatly appreciated!
Title: The Unexpected Clash Of Strangers
Genre: Humor/Chic Lit
Summary: Gracie wasn't expecting to run into her ex-husband...or his new gorgeous fiancee. Determined not to loose in the 'ex game' she makes up a tiny white lie and throws in a random stranger to make it believable. No big deal, right? Boy was she wrong!